When Doc and I first got married, I tried to be the perfect wife. Honestly. Scares me to think about it now but I tried to spoil him. In fact, I did spoil him. In my opinion he is still spoiled in a lot of ways but I really, really spoiled him that first month of Holy Matrimony.
We got married a month before dental school started so he had no job (had to quit to be in school). I just graduated from college and was looking for a teaching job. Apparently, you needed to know people in Oklahoma City at the time if you wanted to teach! Who knew that such a low paying and under appreciated position would be in such high demand. Who knew. But I digress.
So, we had no money. No one had a job. I did what I always do with all of my free time - I baked. This was before Al Gore invented the Internet of course. I had all of these cookbooks from wedding showers and I had recipes to try! He started school and I would pack his lunch. What was I thinking? I lovingly prepared his lunch for him every day, until... (oh - we'll put that later).
That first month of marriage was when I discovered something was fundamentally wrong with the Doc. He liked just plain food and absolutely no casseroles. I'm a huge fan of the ol' casserole myself so this revelation was devastating and has continued to be a point of contention at dinner time. He also liked his sandwiches fixed a different way from me.
He made three gigantic mistakes within that first month of wedded bliss.
1. When asked what he wanted for dinner one night, he told me- "Can't we just have McDonald's?"
I was crushed. I had been hoping to WOW him with my culinary skill. I had baked for 2 solid weeks each and every night! Thought he would look forward to each and every meal creation. Never underestimate the power of the golden arches.
2. He came home with his lunch box one day and demanded that "next time you could put a little meat on the sandwich"
That was the last time I made his lunch, in case you are wondering.
I had put 3 deli thin slices of meat (perfect amount for me) on his sandwich because it was all we had left. We were poor folk! His idea of a sandwich includes no less than a pound of meat between two slices of bread.
3. When I got tired of cleaning the apartment by myself (and I had a lovely poverty level paying job by now - not teaching school), I asked him to take care of one small area. His bathroom. Our teeny tiny apartment had 2 small but full bathrooms so we each took one as our own. His would be the one tucked in by the bedroom that no one would see and it was beyond disgusting to clean. Words really can't describe it. But it might have looked something like this each and every week before I cleaned it.
So I asked the Doc to take over this one teeny tiny cleaning duty. At this point I was doing all of the cleaning, working to pay our bills (barely paying them), cooking & doing the dishes. Oh - and fixing his lunch for school. Just this one small help would be so great.
He looked at me in all seriousness and said (you won't believe this one)... "BUT YOU LIKE CLEANING TOILETS!"
** OH.MY.GOSH. **
This is when I knew that I had married a MCP. Yes. A Male Chauvinist Pig. Raised with two sisters and yet he is still allowed to think this way. He missed the training.
And in case you are wondering, the rest of the conversation went like this.
B: WHAT? I LIKE WHAT?
D: Toilets. You like cleaning them.
B: What makes you think I LIKE cleaning toilets?
D: Because you do it all the time.
B: You are an idiot. (I'm pretty sure that wasn't the word I used but this blog is rated PG)
And just like that Doc's housekeeping life was established. But he is a smart man. He has figured out a way to get around the detail work. I even overheard him telling a group about his scheme.
"Do a mediocre job. Do the job wrong. Eventually she will take it over again."
And he was right about that. I only give him the jobs that I won't have to redo when he is finished. At this point, he usually helps with dishes after dinner and bathes children. He doesn't do any of the dishes that must be washed by hand though. I'm happy to blog that one later. This one has already become longer than I planned.
But a while back, I decided that Vimrod knew the Doc and his schemes. How else would he have come up with this?I used to think Doc was one of a kind.
Now I know that there are more of them out there.
This information scares me to the core.