Sunday, May 18, 2008

Junk Mail

Do you get a lot of junk e-mail? We do.
Yesterday I checked my folder to find 479 messages in there!
I have to admit that I like to read the subject lines on them.
I decided to take the first 400 and categorize them. Yes, I have better things to do - but... well... I have no explanation. Probably just procrastination to avoid laundry and dishes.

I was offered 31 dates (there are lots of single people out there looking for ME! - obviously not readers of my blog)
101 people were selling me Viagra or some kind of enhancement products for my stuff (oh - that must have been for Randy since he has the stuff)
36 emails offered me "jobs" or college credits
74 emails wanted me to order products from them that didn't fit the other categories
89 emails told me about gift cards sent to me or other freebies that are offered for ME (must have known I recently had a birthday)
34 were concerned about helping me control my debt or refinancing my home
10 were selling me insurance
12 wanted me to have Lasik (already done it)
12 didn't fit in any category whatsoever
1 offered me a free divorce (no, thanks). I thought this should have its own category just for the uniqueness it offers.

I loved the many ways you can spell Viagra these days -- Viarga, Viavjgra, Viag, Viaxgra, Vyagar...
Tricky for most junk mail filters, but not for mine!

There were lots of promises and valuable information contained in these emails. Some of my personal favs were:
1.Attract hot chix with this can't-fail pheromones
oh boy!
2.Finally you won't be concerned with your si gno ze any more.
We have something special that will make all your 'se sg xu yky al dreams come true.
Forget what you've known earlier. The new era for you has come!
Girls will go mad!
Friends will be jealous!
And you will Finally your new life! Like a real man with a real p kkx en hr is!
Discover M ia eg eb aD hz ik and enjoy your new s koq iz we e!
A Real p kkx en hr is? Sign me up!
3.Catch that blondy's glance.
Like it? Yes!
Every girl in town thinks about your huge...
What exactly she thinks about?
(not that!)
4.Hi there
The guys get jealous now when they see me in the bathroom.
The guys will be looking? Yahoo!
5.Turning a small knob into a huge wand!
Like Harry Potter?

I'm sure you aren't as amused as I am but at least now you are well informed about what is available to you. Just click.


graceandfaith said...

You officially do not have enough to do... wanna help me clean my house?

Susie Lye said...

Seriously!!! Are the keys on your computer all worn out?? You crack me up! (my favorite new junk mail messages are the ones that say "We caught you naked slye!" Ooooooh, almost fell for that one!! They must not know me well - I am RARELY naked!! :)

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